A checklist of love

heart-283146_1920I’m going to make this simple.

Who you should love (in no particular order, with the exception of the first one):

  • God
  • your family
  • your friends
  • your neighbors
  • co-workers (even the annoying ones)
  • Donald Trump
  • Barack Obama
  • NFL players who kneel
  • NFL players who stand
  • Tom Brady (ugh)
  • black people
  • white people
  • Hispanic people (etc. etc. You get the idea)
  • Jesse Jackson
  • Stacey Dash
  • Kathy Griffin
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Christians
  • Muslims
  • Atheists
  • Agnostics (etc. etc.)
  • people who cut in line
  • Gay people
  • Straight people
  • Transgender people
  • the CBS Exec with no sympathy for the victims in Las Vegas
  • your ex wife/husband
  • gang members
  • homeless people
  • CEO’s who make millions
  • racists
  • felons
  • Republicans
  • Democrats
  • Conservatives
  • Liberals
  • People who don’t love you back
  • Anyone with a pulse

gaudi-2574889_1920Why you should love everyone on the above list (please read the first one multiple times, I didn’t make it up, it was JESUS who said that):

  • “But LOVE YOUR ENEMIES, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” Luke 6:35
  • “We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
  • “The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31
  • “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:10
  • “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
  • “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
  • “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7
  • “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8

In the words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.” (Well, for today anyways…)

Think I’ll stop drinking rat poison…

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.”
– Anne Lamott

574986_poisonI have to be honest. I’ve been drinking a glass of rat poison every day for the past year or so. I’ve been waiting for the rat to die, but instead I’ve only been killing myself.

My spiritual gift is mercy, and I’m quick to forgive. We’ve all had to forgive people for hurtful, heartbreaking things they’ve done to us. But for some reason, there’s someone I just can’t bring myself to forgive.

It’s not the guy who broke my heart a few years ago after he claimed to love me and wanted to make me his wife someday. I’ve forgiven him. It’s not the guy who ripped my heart out of my chest repeatedly in most of 2012 and kicked it around, stomped on it and tore it to shreds. I’ve forgiven him.

It’s an ex-friend who deliberately deceived me for the year or so that we were close, close friends. It wasn’t one event that ended our friendship, it was more of a situation of, “I saw the light.” Others had warned me repeatedly that her motives are never, ever pure at heart. There’s always something in it for her. I didn’t see it at the time, but now I look back and see how incredibly manipulative she was with me- how our entire friendship was a lie.

Guys can be jerks. They break our hearts, that’s what they do. Our best girl friends? They are not supposed to break our hearts, but she broke mine. Once I learned many of the lies she had told me throughout our friendship, and the lies she told other people about me, I felt stupid. I felt like a fool.

Is it obvious yet that I am holding on to a lot of hate? I’ll be honest. I am. I couldn’t tell you anyone else on this planet who gets me more worked up than she does. I haven’t been able to forgive her. I can’t let go of that hate.

We are studying Joseph in the book of Genesis at Bible Study Fellowship. Last week we studied how Joseph forgave his brothers even after they tried to kill him, threw him in a pit, and eventually sold him into slavery. He forgave them because it was the right thing to do. It was what God wanted him to do.

941127_chained_loveI’ve felt chained up and trapped since the friendship ended. I read stories of people who forgave those who killed their family members or abused them. There’s no reason I should be holding on to this hate. No reason to not forgive her, even if she can’t see that she did anything wrong. I’m drinking the rat poison day after day expecting it to kill the rat, but it’s only killing me.

After Bible study I talked to one of the leaders about my situation. She suggested I pray for the ex-friend I can’t forgive.

Wait. What?

I flat-out told her, “I don’t want to pray for her.” 754548_lamb_of_god_1

She told me it’s not a matter of what I want to do. It’s a matter of obedience and what God REQUIRES me to do. If I pray for her, maybe I can eventually forgive her.

And it makes sense. Why on earth should God forgive me of my sins if I haven’t forgiven this person?

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins.” – Mark 11:25

I’m done drinking the rat poison. I know I don’t have to like her, I don’t have to be friends with her or even talk to her, but I do have to forgive her. Hopefully I’ll reach that point by praying for her instead of holding on to all this hate.

17 and confused, imagine that!

I really wish I remember who I wrote this poem about, but I don’t. So many years ago! So dramatic!

December 3, 1997

You’re a jerk, I hope you die.
If you do, I won’t cry.
I’ll be strong, I’ll be brave.
I’ll have dances on your grave.
You treat me like a pile of crap.
But I’m the one who needs a slap.
Cuz you are mean, you’ve made me blue.
But through all this, I still love you.