Wounded. What now?

bandage-1235337_1920 Ouch.

Ever not realize how wounded you are from a situation until you’ve stepped away from it for awhile? Maybe it’s a year later, a month later, or even just a week later. But all of a sudden, it hits you, “I’m super hurt and super wounded.”

I’m not a patient person. When I want something, I want it immediately. Whether it’s a pedicure, buying a new book, or healing from something, I want it right away. Each of those things are possible to get immediately, except for healing.

Healing takes time. It’s so frustrating.

How I heal from situations, like the one I’m dealing with now, has certainly changed over the years. As a woman in my 20’s, I thought the only way to heal from anything was to party. Drunken nights out with friends were my go-to when I wanted to feel better. What’s interesting is that although maybe that did the trick for a few hours, afterwards I was still feeling wounded. The hurt never went away.

After my partying days were over, instead of healing through drinking, I began to avoid healing completely. I buried everything. If I didn’t have to think about the hurt and the wounds left on my heart, it was like it didn’t exist. Now I look back and see that ignoring my hurt was just as destructive as trying to drink my wounds away.

Someone once explained to me why we have to deal with our emotional wounds, comparing it to falling off your bike. Imagine riding your bike, falling off onto gravel, and landing on your knees. Not only does the skin on your knees tear and bleed, but you have tiny pieces of gravel in your knee. Naturally, the wound needs cleaned to properly heal. But what if you don’t clean it out and give it time? It simply won’t heal.

Not only that, but the next time you fall and become wounded on your knees, those tiny pieces of gravel from the last time you fell will come to the surface as well.

If you don’t take the time to emotionally heal in a healthy way, each emotional wound thereafter will bring up the previous wound. And that, my friends, is how we become an emotional mess.

I speak from experience.

And right now, I have to take my own advice. I have to take the time to work through this spiritual and moral injury I have suffered, and I have to give it time. And attention. As much as I want to burry it, as much as I want to just move on, I first have to clean out the wound and give it time to heal.

At this point, with this situation, I’m not even sure what that looks like, but I know God is the only one who can give me complete healing. I have to approach this with confidence and faith, not fear.

In Exodus, when Moses was leading the Israelites, they became very fearful of the Egyptians. Moses told them to chill out, and then said in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”

Be still. What does that even mean? Does it mean not do anything? Not at all. But it does mean, “Chill out.” Trust God. Read His word. Talk to Him. Each of those things are a part of being “still.” God will handle the rest.

I am wounded. As the days pass, I’m finding out exactly how wounded I am. Fifteen years ago I would have turned to booze. Ten years ago I would have put a tiny bandaid on a wound that required surgery.

Now, as a 38-year-old woman, I choose healing. I am choosing to be “be still” and give my wounds the proper time and attention they need to heal.

“Embrace the difficult circumstances you find yourself in.
Allow God to mold you through the events He allows to enter your life.
This will make you flexible towards the will of God.
The events of life are like a furnace for the heart.
All your impurities are melted…
the intrusions that God sends you will no doubt upset your plans
and oppose all that you want.
But they will also chase you toward God.”
– Fenelon