Babies. Hummus. I’ll pass.

hummus-812675_1920I don’t like hummus. The texture. The taste. I just don’t like it.

I knew after the first time that I tasted hummus that I didn’t like it. But, everyone around me loved hummus. Let’s face it, nearly everyone on the planet loves hummus. So literally every opportunity I had, I tried hummus. Different brands, different flavors. I hated it every single time.

It took me awhile to give it up and finally admit it. I hate hummus.

And that’s OK.

Hummus isn’t for everyone.

And neither are children.

I once went with some friends from work to an event just for women. A lot of it was about women empowerment. In the venue there was a big wall where women were encouraged to write down the best thing about being a woman. A woman in our group said with enthusiasm, “Duh, we get to have BABIES!”

I felt like crap. I don’t have babies. I don’t even have A baby. I’m 37 and time is running out! But then I realized, I don’t even want to birth children. I’ve NEVER wanted to birth children.

Why was I letting someone’s comment make me feel bad about something I didn’t even want? Why did I keep trying hummus when I knew I hated it?

Simple. I felt like I was missing out on something. I was missing out on this delightful, healthy treat called hummus. I was missing out on babies, even though I have never wanted one.

Sure I had baby dolls when I was a little girl, but I was much more into Barbies. My Barbies traveled the world and had fun jobs. And my mom will tell you, the words, “I can’t wait to have children,” have NEVER come out of my mouth.

A few months at a wedding there was this precious little boy in front of us who kept turning around and smiling. A co-worker next to me said, “Aww! Look at that little…” and she stopped mid-sentence. “Oh I forgot, you hate kids!”

Nope. Not even remotely true. While yes, I’m horrified of holding a newborn, there is not a single bone in my body that has any sort of hatred of children. As a matter of fact, I would love to marry someone who already has children, or to adopt someday. I simply have zero desire to birth children.

IMG-2722There are some people in my life who refuse to accept that. They say I will change my mind. They say I’m missing out. I wonder if they’d say those same things to a woman who physically CAN’T have children. Let’s hope not.

I also have a few married friends who have decided not to have biological children. They might adopt one day, or even welcome foster children into their homes. The backlash from some of their friends and family for not having biological children is heartbreaking.

Please, stop with the “be fruitful and multiply” verses from the Old Testament. Each of those scriptures refer to animals and the Israelites, and were also in specific cases to fill up the earth after creation and after the flood.

IMG_9361 (2)And if people are so concerned with their interpretation of “be fruitful and multiply,” what about all the verses about taking care of orphans? DIRECT words from Jesus Christ Himself!

 

I realize I am in a minority group of women who don’t want to birth their own children.

I realize I am in a minority group of people who hate hummus.

And that’s OK.

There’s nothing wrong with having babies or liking hummus, but there’s also nothing wrong with NOT having babies or liking hummus.

So… what’s your hummus? What is it that is making you feel like a failure or a crappy human being because you don’t like it or want it?

Maybe it’s that you don’t dream of having babies.

Maybe it’s that your children don’t play sports.

Maybe it’s that you don’t travel the world.

Maybe it’s that you don’t make your family eat gluten-free.

Stop letting people make you feel bad for things you don’t even like, or things you don’t even want. You do you, and no one else. You are the only one who has to live your life. Don’t try to fit into the mold that other people want you to fit into.

I don’t like hummus. I’m going to stop trying hummus, even though people keep wanting me to try new flavors and brands.

And I’m going to stop allowing myself to feel bad about not waning to having biological children, even when people flat out tell me, “Yes you do.” Because, you know, they apparently know me better than I know myself.

God didn’t design us to all be the same. And although people may have a problem with it, I don’t want biological children, and I hate hummus.

“She is clothed in strength and dignity.
And she laughs without fear of the future.”
Proverbs 31:25

Coffee with Jesus: He wants to listen!

I was pretty irritated and upset at what I was seeing on my screen. I almost turned off the DVR and deleted the episode. But I held on. Something told me to keep watching.20150426_182458-1

I was watching the latest episode of Mom, a CBS comedy about a recovering gambler/alcoholic woman, Christy, living with her mother, Bonnie, who is also a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. A friend of theirs “found God” while in prison, and now that she was out, she was trying to “drag” them into her Christianity.

While Christy started attending church with their friend, her mother was outrageously annoyed by all of the God and Jesus talk. A good portion of the episode was mocking the Christian woman and her beliefs. Bonnie wanted no part of Jesus because she was suffering so much after the death of her ex-husband, who she was still very much in love with.

But then there was the final scene.

Bonnie walks into the kitchen in the middle of the night to find Jesus sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee.

I was worried where this was about to go.

“Good morning, Bonnie,” Jesus says. “Sleep well?”

“Not really,” Bonnie responds. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard you were looking for me,” Jesus says.

20150426_182543-1“As a matter of fact, I am,” Bonnie says, and Jesus motions for her to sit down beside Him.

After grabbing some coffee, and topping off Jesus’ cup after He asks for more, Bonnie sits down.

Jesus says to her, “So what’s up?”

The audience erupted with laughter.

Bonnie says, “I want to know why you took Alvin?”

Jesus goes on to explain that it was Alvin’s time, that Alvin’s work on earth had been done.

Bonnie then says to Jesus what so many of us often ask Him when we’re in pain, “When does it stop hurting?”

He responds, “When you wake up.”

Bonnie then wakes up in her bed, smiles, looks to the ceiling and breathes a sigh of relief.

I was nearly moved to tears. Why? Because I believe that this scene beautifully portrays what our relationship with Christ can and should be like and the comfort He can offer us.

When we talk to God, it can be like having coffee with a friend. He literally wants to know, “What’s up?” So tell Him.

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:6-7 The Message

In the most recent episode of Mom, Bonnie is struggling after relapsing into drug and alcohol addiction. She is in bed and yells out, “I give up! Somebody help me, please! God! Anybody!”

And Jesus emerges from the bathroom.20150426_182403-1

He sits next to Bonnie, grabs her hand and says, “It’s OK. We can do this.”

Is there anything more beautiful than that? I don’t know the motives of the writers or producers of the show or where they might take things in the future, but the light in which they’ve presented Jesus in these two episodes makes my heart so happy!

Give your worries to Jesus. He wants to hear them. He wants to sit down next to you, grab your hand, and say, “It’s OK. We can do this.”

“Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7

Defining the “grown-up”

I hadn’t seen Mandy in almost four years. We met up last week for lunch when my parents and I were passing through Atlanta. It was nine years ago that Mandy and I were in our mid-20’s and living it up as single gals.

At one point during lunch, her 16-month-old daughter waddled around the table and Mandy scooped her up so she didn’t run away.

“I’m a mom now!” she said. “This is my life!”

My own mother, admiring Mandy’s precious daughter, said, “Maybe one of these days Natalie will grow up, too!”

I’m sure my mom didn’t think a thing about what she said, but it really got me thinking. Maybe in her generation that’s the case, but in 2014, are we really still at a place where you can’t be considered an adult unless you’re married and have children?

Washing feet and checking for jiggers at a clinic in Uganda.
Washing feet and checking for jiggers at a clinic in Uganda.

So I’m 33 and not married. I don’t have any children. I have former students who are 19, married, and have a family. Does that make them more of a “grown-up” than me, someone who just spent a year living in a third-world country? Am I somehow immature because I gave up a year of my life, and certainly any hopes of finding a husband, to serve God in Africa? Should I have stayed here in America just to “grow up” and start a family?

What defines a grown-up? I guess it’s a matter of opinion, but here’s what I think:

You put God first, family second, friends third.

Those three things were always being rearranged throughout my high school and college days, but once I got them in the right order, I feel I was able to live more at peace. Being a grown-up means having your priorities straight, and what you believe in should always be top priority. For me, that’s God. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Your homestead is a good financial decision

For years I always looked down on guys who lived at home, especially if they were in their 30’s. Then I moved to Africa, came home unemployed, and I’m living in my parents’ house. More and more I’m seeing single people do this, and while I think it used to signify an immature person who can’t get their life together, I now see the other side of things. If living at home is the best financial decision, what’s immature about that? If buying a house is a better financial decision than renting, do it. If renting is your best option, do that. If where you live is best for your bank account and your future, you’re a grown-up.

You spend more nights in than you do out

Hanging out with mom and spending the evening at my nephew's baseball game.
Hanging out with mom and spending the evening at my nephew’s baseball game.

Mandy and I were out almost every night of the week when we were single gals in LaGrange, Georgia. Whether it was eating wings at “the Pub,” drinking Boat Drinks at The Lazy Peach, or enjoying chocolate, wine and live music at Ou La La, we were always out and about. Mandy may have a husband and a child now, but we are both content with spending time at home, instead of going out. Grown-ups are OK with this. Grown-ups are fine with reading a book on a Friday night or watching a movie at home on a Saturday evening. Grown-ups also know that if they sporadically do want to meet up with friends for a drink or a movie, this does not make them immature.

You don’t dress like a teenager

Since my return to the US from Uganda a month ago, I’ve noticed that the trend these days is “trampy.” Harsh word, I know, but how else do you explain it? “Inappropriate” just doesn’t seem to do style these days its justice. I’m currently working part-time at an office in town, and I’m amazed at the inappropriate things some “grown-ups” wear to work. Grown-ups dress like adults. That doesn’t mean dressing like an old woman at a nursing home. It’s totally possible to be attractive, beautiful, and even sexy, while still having class and dressing like an adult.

You believe you are a grown-up

This is really the only one that matters. If you have embraced the trampy style of teenagers these days, party like it’s 1999, would rather hang out with your friends than your family, and live outside your means, but still feel like a grown-up, then that’s on you. If it means getting married and having children, then that’s your right as well. For me, it means putting God first, staying in more than going out, dressing appropriately, and making good financial decisions.

Some people might not see you as a grown-up until you are married and have a family, but what really matters is how you see yourself and how God sees you. I believe I’m a grown-up. A husband and children will not define that for me.