Wounded. What now?

bandage-1235337_1920 Ouch.

Ever not realize how wounded you are from a situation until you’ve stepped away from it for awhile? Maybe it’s a year later, a month later, or even just a week later. But all of a sudden, it hits you, “I’m super hurt and super wounded.”

I’m not a patient person. When I want something, I want it immediately. Whether it’s a pedicure, buying a new book, or healing from something, I want it right away. Each of those things are possible to get immediately, except for healing.

Healing takes time. It’s so frustrating.

How I heal from situations, like the one I’m dealing with now, has certainly changed over the years. As a woman in my 20’s, I thought the only way to heal from anything was to party. Drunken nights out with friends were my go-to when I wanted to feel better. What’s interesting is that although maybe that did the trick for a few hours, afterwards I was still feeling wounded. The hurt never went away.

After my partying days were over, instead of healing through drinking, I began to avoid healing completely. I buried everything. If I didn’t have to think about the hurt and the wounds left on my heart, it was like it didn’t exist. Now I look back and see that ignoring my hurt was just as destructive as trying to drink my wounds away.

Someone once explained to me why we have to deal with our emotional wounds, comparing it to falling off your bike. Imagine riding your bike, falling off onto gravel, and landing on your knees. Not only does the skin on your knees tear and bleed, but you have tiny pieces of gravel in your knee. Naturally, the wound needs cleaned to properly heal. But what if you don’t clean it out and give it time? It simply won’t heal.

Not only that, but the next time you fall and become wounded on your knees, those tiny pieces of gravel from the last time you fell will come to the surface as well.

If you don’t take the time to emotionally heal in a healthy way, each emotional wound thereafter will bring up the previous wound. And that, my friends, is how we become an emotional mess.

I speak from experience.

And right now, I have to take my own advice. I have to take the time to work through this spiritual and moral injury I have suffered, and I have to give it time. And attention. As much as I want to burry it, as much as I want to just move on, I first have to clean out the wound and give it time to heal.

At this point, with this situation, I’m not even sure what that looks like, but I know God is the only one who can give me complete healing. I have to approach this with confidence and faith, not fear.

In Exodus, when Moses was leading the Israelites, they became very fearful of the Egyptians. Moses told them to chill out, and then said in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”

Be still. What does that even mean? Does it mean not do anything? Not at all. But it does mean, “Chill out.” Trust God. Read His word. Talk to Him. Each of those things are a part of being “still.” God will handle the rest.

I am wounded. As the days pass, I’m finding out exactly how wounded I am. Fifteen years ago I would have turned to booze. Ten years ago I would have put a tiny bandaid on a wound that required surgery.

Now, as a 38-year-old woman, I choose healing. I am choosing to be “be still” and give my wounds the proper time and attention they need to heal.

“Embrace the difficult circumstances you find yourself in.
Allow God to mold you through the events He allows to enter your life.
This will make you flexible towards the will of God.
The events of life are like a furnace for the heart.
All your impurities are melted…
the intrusions that God sends you will no doubt upset your plans
and oppose all that you want.
But they will also chase you toward God.”
– Fenelon

Revenge: a dish best not served

IMG_4643A friend text me a few weeks ago. “How’s your day going?” I had been crying. I took a selfie with watery eyes and smudged mascara. “This is how my day is going,” I responded.

I had been hurt. Wounded. Blindsided, and even feeling a little stabbed in the back. It was not a good day.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have the potential to be a vengeful, hurtful person. Not that I am, but the potential is there. If you hurt me, I can think of even more hurtful things to say back to you. And sometimes, I really, REALLY want to.

A few weeks ago was one of those days. Even in the days following, I plotted out the terrible things I wanted to say to the person who hurt me. It kept me up at night, making a mental list of everything I wanted to say.

But God kept slipping the word “grace” into my mind, which just made me even angrier at first. Why should I show this person grace when they didn’t show me an ounce of it?

Because it’s the right thing to do.

UGH. Sometimes I hate doing the right thing. I always think back to this: “Doing what is right is never wrong.” Never. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. And doing what is right is swallowing my pride and biting my tongue.

Right now it still doesn’t FEEL right, but many tough decisions can’t be made based on feelings. Decisions should be based on what’s right. What’s right is to not serve up a piping hot plate of revenge, or even a cold one.

“See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15

It’s funny to me that non-Christians probably think it’s easy for us to try and do good all the time. I’m not afraid to say it: it’s not. Our nature is a sinful one, just like everyone else’s. Luckily I have a God whose Son died on the cross for that sinful nature so I don’t have to suffer eternal consequences for it.

Revenge is a dish best not served at all. It still feels wrong. I still want to retaliate, but I won’t. There have been times people in my life extended grace, and now it’s my turn to do the same for someone else. It’s not easy, and right now it doesn’t offer the satisfaction I’m looking for, but one day it will. And it’s the right thing to do.

“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”
James 4:17


I’m working on writing and publishing my first book! I’ve created an author page on Facebook, and I hope you’ll “Like” it and come on this crazy journey with me! Click below to visit the page. 

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